Funny Emails
The Perfect Day
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8.30 Weigh in, 2lbs. lighter than yesterday
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10.00 Light work out at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12.45 Catch sight of husband’s ex and notices she has gained 7lbs.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3.00 Nap
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10.00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm
6.15 Blow job
6.30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
]7.00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by a naked woman
7.30 Limo arrives
7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9.15 Fly in your private jet
9.30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9.45 Play front nine (2 under)
11.45 Lunch – Philly Cheese steak sub and three beers.
12.15 Blow job
12.30 Play back nine (4 under)
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)
2.30 Take a helicopter ride to your private mountain cabin
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
4.30 Catch “bubba” - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by anyone on your top five list.
6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalized
7.30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, beer, big juicy filet steak followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch Dallas Cowboys loss to what ever team they are playing against.
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and more beer.
11.30 A night cap blowjob
11.45 In bed alone
11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
